Issues with the Scale

Issues with the Scale:

I am not sure what gave Mo any ideas on me having issues with the scale…*sarcasm*. Derailing a moment, I am one of the most sarcastic people you will probably ever meat and sarcasm is so hard to pick up on blogs, tweets, or in a BBM or text. So, I think sometimes when people meet me they aren’t really sure what they are getting. (not sure why I felt the need to say that but this is my blog and I just did…)

Okay, me and the scale – I have always had to work on my weight. When I was younger and played sports and was more active than I am now – it just sort of maintained itself. The summer before my freshmen year of college I hung out too much, didn’t move enough and ate too much – I gained the freshmen 15 before even going away to school. Then when I was in school I drank too much, ate too many pizzas, early morning Hardee breakfast runs and was on a fixed budget and did I mention I was lazy so I gained more weight. Somewhere along the line I lost some weight and felt good but then gained it back….so the cycle goes. I have always been the biggest person in my “group” – I have never been a tiny thing. It used to bother me, I now realize I am me and I will never be like that and that is okay for me. I wish I had found that confidence in myself back in college, but I didn’t so…

FAST FORWARD:

I always feel like I am on a diet. In my mind I always thought about it, and I always knew what I was supposed to do, I just never did it quite like I should. I tried to make good choices but allowed myself way too many free passes and definitely approached the whole “dieting” thing the WRONG WAY. I always knew it had to be a lifestyle change but never fully grasped or accepted what that truly meant. I’m a perfectionist by nature and if I can’t do it 110%, I just don’t do it at all. I am SLLLLOOOOWWWLY trying to change that mindset.
Here I am 34 years old and have been overweight my whole adult life. I often get pissed at myself and think – how the hell did this happen, or better yet – why did I let this happen? But all of that is just water under the bridge and that mindset will cause me to keep on spinning my wheels. Damnit, I am not trying to spin my wheels – I want to move forward. I have bigger things waiting for me and that does not mean I am not living my life while on this journey and I know I have been ridiculed and probably will be ridiculed for some of my thoughts on this process. This is truly a personal journey and like the old Frank Sinatra song goes…”I Did It My Way…” I’m doing this. The last few months I have been going up and down and slipping into old practices far too often. I have stood on that scale every Monday morning (who am I kidding – I stand on it everyday but the Monday morning one is the only one that counts) and cussed that damn thing. “SCREW YOU” has come out of my mouth in regards to the scale more than once. I know that I am not a number and I am not defined by a number but I still have quite a ways to go to get into the “healthy” zone so I would be lying to you if I told you that the number didn’t matter to me. If I am completely honest and transparent with you reading and myself – those weeks when I didn’t do well, I knew why…

I am finally at a place where I am okay with my mistakes on this journey. I won’t lie and say I don’t get frustrated with myself but the days of throwing in the towel and just saying screw it, I can’t do it this….those days are over.

I will reach my goals, I will be the best ME!